Me Previously Part 2

By my 21st birthday I was way too tanned for February, blonder than I had ever been, and I was depressed. My heart was broken. My mom was sick. Murray State was getting the best of me. My life was unraveling before my eyes. I was homesick more than ever. A year later mom had passed. I grew apart from my dad and sister. I was needy, lonely and so in denial that I that I felt like mom had just left us. For the longest time I thought that I would see her walking though the mall or passing by in a car. But, that’s another story for another time.

The next 5 years I spent in a daze. I was in a relationship that was never going to work. So I married him. It didn’t last too long. I left him April 1, 2007 and was divorced shortly after. That’s all I have to say about that.

At 27 I started over. I was scared, embarrassed, and unemployed. After a very short stay with my grandma, I gathered what little stuff I took from Kentucky and made a new home in Westville with Niki and Trevor. That summer I reconnected with my sister whom I had missed so much. I lost 25 pounds, got a job and started dating. It was exciting. I became myself again, but much more vocal. After a miserable 5 years I finally felt free and words just flowed from my mouth. I spent the summer of 2007 just talking. For so long I had all these thoughts and feelings bottled up inside of me. I had secrets that I never thought I would tell anyone, but I did that summer. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe again.

November 11, 2007 is really the day that I started over…well, my love life started over at least. Matt very unexpectedly came into my life. From that day forward I knew that life for me would be sweet again and I haven’t looked back. Again, that’s another story for another time.

2008 brought new experiences and more love than I had felt in a long time. My family was in my life again and Matt’s family welcomed me into theirs with open arms. In September Matt’s sister got married. I caught the bouquet and on November 15, 2008 he proposed. I wasn’t too surprised; I did catch the bouquet. The rest of the year I spent anxiously planning every significant and minuscule detail of the ceremony and reception.

2009 brought out the OCD in me, but also allowed me to utilize my self professed interior decorating and organizational skills. On June 27th we were married and the OCD didn’t go away. We moved into our home on August 1st and luckily the house wasn’t (still isn’t) completely done so I was still able to make use of my design “expertise”. Miss Maggie, our Boston Terrier came into our lives Labor Day weekend. Life has been…um, should I say more exciting since then. She’s the only baby I have right now so she gets treated as such. She’s spoiled. The end of 2009 introduced us to Miss Aubrey to us. She is the most astonishingly beautiful niece an Auntie could ever hope to have. I love her dearly and plan on spoiling her rotten as well.

This year has been tough and not only because I have come to what I consider reasonably scary age. In April I lost my grandmother. Seeing her pass brought back memories of my mom. It was very difficult for me to handle, but I made it though. In June I was diagnosed with Diabetes. In July I was 0 for 5 in job interviews. It is my hope that the remainder of my second 29th year will be in my favor.

There are more things in life that I know nothing about than things I know for sure. I know nothing about rocket science or how a tractor runs or why I can't remember the last thing I said to my mother before she died. I do know that I will spend more time in Southern Illinois and less time stressing over the unimportant things in life. I will be thankful that I am alive and love my husband a little more everyday. I will live my life to please only myself. I will contiune to exist.