Christmas 2010

I’m 30 and just celebrated my 30th Christmas. In the end I had laughed a lot, ate too much, and was licked to death by a couple of cute doggies. But, it’s not what it used to be.

Many of my best childhood memories revolve around our unvarying holidays. For more than 20 years we celebrated at the same places with the same people and the same menu; ham at Easter, turkey on Thanksgiving, appetizers on Christmas Eve, and again, ham on Christmas. Of course the guests changed over the years. That is inevitable. New faces came and went. Old faces faded. And sure, there was a time or two that our far from random celebrations varied. But what remained; I was home and the food was fabulous.

If you know me, you know this. I am a uniform type of girl. I eat the same thing over and over again at restaurants and rarely try anything new. Everything in my house has a place. All labels face outward. I organize hangers by size and color. I like things to be the consistently the same. I fold towels the same way every single time. I loathe just the thought of variation. I follow the same routine every morning. I do things over and over again until they are perfect (e.g. the reason why I only posted 1 blog last month). Conformity is comforting. So for me, two decades of repetitious quality time with my family was fantastic. Things have changed.

Although meeting Matt was absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me, the one consequence that I dreaded was choosing with whom to spend the holidays. Like many couples, we decided to “rotate” which family we would bless with our presence at those festivities; my family Easter and Christmas one year and only Thanksgiving the next, then vice versa. Only to make things more difficult, my adorable niece Aubrey was born 4 days before Christmas last year. For this reason alone, I want to spend every Christmas in Southern Illinois.

This year I spent Christmas 8 hours from where my heart really was. The routine I have been accustomed to no longer exists. Spending every other Christmas in Missouri and the un-Followell-like meals that it brings is my new reality. And as of today, I am okay with that. We’ll see what 2012 brings.

P.S. Don’t let the title of this blog fool you. I think this ended up being more about my extremely overly obsessive compulsiveness than it did Christmas.

I'm From

I’m 30 and lived in 6 towns in 2 states. I grew up in my parent’s first home and their last. I’ve inhabited a dorm, an apartment, and a townhouse. I’ve lived in the quiet country and in the middle of a questionable part of town. I survived living with my Grandma, my sister and my in-laws. Today I live on Michigan Avenue. All of those places I called home, but this is where I am really from…

I am from the orange rocking chair where my mom used to sing me to sleep and the Smurf sheets where she would lay me to bed.

I am from Grandma’s biscuits and gravy and Grandpa’s tall tales, Sunday school with Grandma Shirley and exploring (terrorizing) Mulkeytown with Uncle Tony.

I am from Frieda, Molly, Julie, Sam, Coco, Scooter, Bobby, Coby and Harley and Avery too.

I am from sleepovers with grade school friends and (years later) hangovers with them too.

I am from Scottish, Hungarian, and American Indian ancestry.

I am from pulling hair, biting, and scratching with Niki and then finally growing to be the best of friends.

I am from long school bus rides and even longer nights on the phone with best friends.

I am from Friday night football games and Saturday morning yard work.

I am from hundreds family photos kept nearby and hilarious home videos.

I am from family dinner at the table (almost) every night and green pancakes for breakfast.

I am from Christmas Eve appetizers and ham on Christmas Day.

I am from a past that keeps me awake some nights and a loving husband that keeps me in the present and looks forward to our future.

I am from chili with peanut butter and syrup sandwiches in the fall…and winter and spring and summer.

I am from birthday parties in the basement and bonfires in the yard.

I am from a heart so broken, I thought it would never heal and a heart so full of love I sometimes feel like it may explode.

I am from back road cruises and summers that seemed to last forever.

I am from Anna’s All Star Gymnastics, cheerleading, volleyball, track, and just one summer of softball; dance lessons, tennis lessons, and swim lessons.

I am from a red, then pink, then purple, then black childhood bedroom.

I am from a house in the middle of nowhere that I hated, but would now give anything to be there.

I am from Charlie’s love of music and Patty’s laugh and infectious smile; their immeasurable love, integrity, and compassion.

I feel like my life has started over more than once. That makes it difficult to remember my past; recollections are starting to fade. Sometimes I don’t know if my memories are dreams that I’ve had or if my history creates my dreams. But these I keep close to my heart. Of all the people, places, and things that consume my life, they are what make me feel most at home.