I Feel It

I’m 30. My body, at times feels much older.

This year it is more difficult to get out of bed in the morning. My left hip aches when I take long walks. My back hurts when I sit too long. My knees crack. My ankle that I sprained in 5th grade throbs when it rains. I was recently diagnosed with Diabetes.

I wasn’t devastated with the results of my lab work. I have suspected it for some time now. I didn’t cry when the nurse told me that I have a disease that causes more deaths a year than breast cancer and AIDS combined. I just told myself my family history played the lead role in this drama. I ignored the possibility that I brought this on myself by gaining almost 50 pounds since high school. I was worried the lifestyle change alone would kill me before the diabetes. But, I was ready for a change.

My first doctor appointment after the diagnosis pissed me off more than anything. She didn’t need to tell me that Diabetes is a serious illness. I’m not stupid. She didn’t need to tell me that I needed to loose the chubbiness that is my stomach. I see my self everyday. I know it’s not pretty. What really upset me was her suggestion that I partake in 90 minutes of vigorous exercise daily. Who has the time for that? Not me. I cried on the way back to work that morning. I cried on my way home from work that evening. I cried for a week.

Since then I have spoke with a nutritionist and started a low-carb diet. I’m taking medication with the most unpleasant side effect. I try to walk in the evening when I get home from work. I also started riding a bike. Sugar free chocolate has become my friend. I miss mashed potatoes the most. In 7 weeks I have lost 11 pounds. My goal is to loose 36 more.

Diabetes is not reversible. My sugar has never been out of control. It was just high enough for me to be considered diabetic. Even with controlled blood sugar, I will always carry the label, the burden. There may be a time where I don’t have to take medication, but carbs/sugar will always be my enemy. I will always have to watch what I eat. But, I am alive and well and that’s the most important thing in my opinion.

I bet you didn’t think you’d be getting a crappy health lesson today, did you?