Big Dreams

I’m 30. My career is years behind.

When I was 10 I dreamed of living in New York City. I dreamed that by 30 I would be settled in an amazing apartment (think the movie Big) with an even more amazing career. I don’t remember what I wanted to be at the time. All I knew is that Mulkeytown would be miles behind me and I would be a reputable business woman in the Big Apple on my own, bringing home a more than adequate pay check.

When I was 18 I dreamed of being an interior decorator. I practiced on the walls of my bedroom. I also wanted to write poetry (thanks to teenage heartbreak) and own a bookstore (think Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail). When it came time to decide on a college major, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. So, I chose to be a business major, with really no attainable career goals. My dreams have always been bigger than I could ever achieve. Decorating, writing, and my love of books have so far turned out to be just a hobby.

Twelve years later I am in a position that requires me to get up at 4:30 in the morning and spend 3 hours of my day commuting. I do this for a job where I take money from people that they sometimes cannot afford to pay. Sometimes they cry. I do this for a job where I am willing to be talked to like I’m an uneducated, ignorant woman that will never make anything of herself. I can’t take it anymore. I am tired and I don’t like eating dinner 2 hours before I have to go to bed. I don’t like to make people cry. I have been in their shoes. And I don’t like being talked down to. I am much more intelligent than that.

I won’t bore you with the pathetic statistics on my being turned down or not even getting a call for an interview. Let’s just say, I have been seriously looking for 2 years. But all hope is not lost. When I thought my self-esteem couldn’t get any lower, this month employers have been buzzing with interest in me and my hard-working, committed, organized self. Please keep your fingers crossed.

Possibly in another 12 years my once seemingly impossible career goals will be within my reach. I still don’t know exactly what I want to do, but I have an idea. It will involve me doing what I love. It will include books and writing or decorating and for the OCD in me, organizing. Maybe an amalgamation of these things…a store that sells books and offers interior design/organization services where I can write down the ramblings in my mind and share them with the world.

P.S. I know you’re thinking “amalgamation”? It’s from the movie Parenthood. Don’t worry. I don’t use that word on a daily basis. That would make me a nerd.